The Funny Farm
Thinking about love relationships today.
Now that I am married and have been living with Taylor for 6+ years (whoa! my how time flies!), talking with my friends who are in newer relationships and/or are preparing for marriage makes me reflect on T and I's experience as a couple.
Not to say that we are the all-knowing duo of relationship expertise, but I must give us credit for how far we've come and all the bullshit we have managed to conquer. Let it be known- there has been PLENTY of bullshit. Awful, toxic, gut wrenching bullshit. By the metric ton.
One conversation I had with a friend today brought to mind some of the paranoid shit I used to do when I first starting dating Taylor- paranoid because finding love like this scared the beJesus out of me and made me a complete psychotic freak for a stint.
When you feel as though you've found the end all of loves, the most terrifying thing in the world is the thought of losing it and being without it. Love truly can make a semi-stable person lose their fucking mind.
And if you are the kind of person like I am, and you are already a little out of your mind in the first place, love can easily drive you to do things that surely might get you hauled off to the Funny Farm...maybe not literally, but you can quickly be metaphorically committed by your boyfriend after he discovers you rifling through his shit and turning all Super Sleuth Private Investigator/Head Hunter on ex-girlfriends.
When curiosity mutates into obsession, and obsession mutates into paranoia and paranoia mutates into hysteria...and most of this is the product of our own creation as a result of too much crazy over-analyzing and snooping with no real reasonable basis for doing so in the first place.
Love makes people crazy. I think that the people who try the hardest to resist the crazy, or the ones who embrace the crazy full force, are the craziest of the love crazed.
That happy gray area of crazy is the best place to be, it's just getting there and staying there that's the hard part.
We women get a bad rap with the whole "crazy psycho" label, but I don't think that women are crazy. I think that men can make us that way. They make us that way with their ability to exist in states of indifference and calmness and "What's the big deal?" attitude.
I've learned that, for the most part, men aren't really as deep as we want to give them credit for ("What??? What do you mean you can't read my mind? How can you NOT know how big of a deal this is? You're supposed to KNOW me!")...but at the same time, they'll shock you with weird, random senses of profound insightful deepness that leaves you dumbfounded and silent with amazement at how deep they are actually capable of being...when they feel like it.
Or after you've poked and prodded and forced them to be because they just can't handle your mouth moving for one more second.
:)
