Yakkity Yak Yak YAK
Today has been the Friday of the Blabbermouths.
I have spent the majority of my work day being forced to endure the flapping jaws of people whom I am convinced were put on this planet to talk my friggin' ear off about shit that has absolutely nothing to do with anything.
Why is it that some women only want to blab to you about their children when they decide that they actually have something to say to you, burning up valuable minutes of your life that you could be using to discuss things that actually matter in the world?
Do they do this with men too, or is it just with other women? Apparently since I was born with the same baby making machinery as these women, I am supposed to give a shit about everything that little Johnny or Jane does to make their mommies beam. I think that they forget that women without children will not fully appreciate the YAK YAK YAKKING of details concerning any real aspect of their children's existence.
Find another mother to go play stage hogging ping pong with, or call a friend who actually genuinely cares about what you have to say about your kid.
I must stress here that for friends, I have all the time in the world for rehashing childrens' stories- the key element of this statement is this: FRIENDS. Friends' children are interesting because not only do you know the children, but here there is usually a two-way conversation involved between friends.
For work acquaintances, I allow about 5 minutes of talk time to run your mouths about your kids, and after that, unless it's something of some sort of medical importance, my brain shuts off and I start to hate you a little more for every ten additional seconds that I have to hear your voice. In work acquaintance situations, the topic of children is always one person doing all of the talking for far longer than what is acceptably allowed.
This is particularly true with women whose children are in high school. Most kids in high school are either shithead brats or overachieving goody two-shoes, neither of which are terribly interesting to a woman in her twenties with no children.
In my book, if the kid can chew and swallow steak, nothing that they do can be considered cute and/or interesting anymore.
The funny thing is, is that when these women are talking about their children, they seem to feel as if you are obligated to fain interest. The regular universal "Omigod you are so boring to me right now that I could slap you- SHUT THE FUCK UP" more-than-obvious body language won't work on these women.
I don't think they even notice that you aren't really listening. They know that it would be incredibly rude to interrupt and cut off someone who is sharing stories about their CHILD with you. And they take advantage of this unspoken social rule.
This is because, years ago, some jerk off somewhere instilled into American society that anything and everything child-related is special and important to society in a whole.
This is a LIE. Anything and everything child-related is only special and important to the parents and immediate family and friends in any individual child's life.
No one else gives a crap.
A 4-year old who just LOVES Ariel, the Little Mermaid, is not special for being excited to meet her at Disney World this summer. This aspect of that kid's life is not worth a 20 minute marathon mouth session by her mother while I have important Internet surfing to do on the clock.
I myself am a fan of Ariel the Little Mermaid and would also be excited to meet her at Disney World. Does my age make that any less special? I don't think so.
Both mine and the 4-year olds fan power for the Little Mermaid is not special and important in any way, to any person, besides our parents.
NOTE TO SELF: Someday, when I am a mother, I promise that I will never be that person who bores the pants off of my co-workers with pointless information about my offspring.
