Cougar? Moi?
After announcing that today is Taylor's 27th birthday at work, I was promptly called a "cougar" by my male colleagues. Whatever, COUGAR.
He's only a year and a half younger than me- which SO does not put me into the cougar category. For five months out of each year, I am, by number only, 2 years older than him. I had forgotten until said cougar mentioning that up until today I am 28 and he was 26, and still, that age gap does not a cougar of me make.
I think it's funny though, the whole cougar thing (although totally getting played out). It's so interesting, our society's obsession with youth. Cougars have it way better than women had it back in the days of "The Graduate." There weren't Mrs. Robinsons available like there are these days.
Cosmetic surgery, present-day dressing younger than your age fashion leniency, America's laughable definition of "sanctity of marriage" and divorce rates, and popular media have created a whole new ball game for Cougar Power.
I think all cougars should thank Sex and the City's Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall) for breathing new life and appreciation into the phenomena that is cougardom. Bravo!
Although an amusing concept, cougars honestly gross me out. They gross me out just as much as their male counterparts do ( the sleezy, mid-life crisis cradle robbing men with money...bleaugh). Samantha on Sex and the City is awesomely entertaining and hilarious, but she grosses me out too.
There's a difference between being a confident and sexually liberated woman and being just a flat out slutbag. Seriously. Soooo sad. In all fairness to women's lib- more power to them I guess- Go team Easy Street! But still. Yuck.
If you are ever curious to see cougars out in the wild running free and in action in the OK metro, hit up Russell's or Groovy's in OKC on a Friday or Saturday night.
It's hilarious to watch them work. It's as if there is a secret cougar handbook circulating out there to teach them the art of scoring their prey, because I've studied these womens' hunting techniques and they are alarmingly similar.
First of all, the strategy that they use is quite bold, aggressive, and definitely predatory. I suppose this is to give their targets a more clear "sure thing" vibe from the get go. They are too old to waste too much time being coy, because some younger piece of ass could saunter by and steal their limelight if they aren't careful.
Cougar BAIT, I've noticed, for the most part seem to be your more classic "stud-like" guys. You know, the guys who obviously work out and actually put significant thought and time into what they wear out on the town- think tight shirts, gelled hair, taking hard liquor to the dome. Sometimes it's beer, but from what I've observed, most of them prefer to kick it old school and go for the hard stuff like whiskey or scotch.
That's where the predatory part of a cougar's strategy comes into play: creep up on prey who is obviously at the bar to get wasted and is already noticeably lit...flirt...chain smoke...laugh at his douche bag jokes...pump him full of more drinks (perhaps even a shot or two with Red Bull in it in hopes of him fucking her like the Energizer Bunny later, should she get so lucky)...laugh at more douche bag jokes...preen his ego with compliments on his fine physique (touch bicep)...get him to the point where he's so drunk that her age lines get so blurry that the "intoxicated fountain of youth" kicks into his vision...then...when the moment is right...POUNCE!
(cue wicked roaring big cat scream, like lightening, but scarier)
Mama's got herself a nice kill of fresh meat(head). Poor guy didn't have a chance.
Cougar watching is one of the most fun kinds of people watching, if you should happen to stumble upon the right subject matter. It's kind of National Geographic-like.
When I do it I like to narrate the scenario in my head, adding a nice touch of a British accent to the mix.
