Tuesday, November 20, 2007

High School Reunion

My friends and I recently discussed the fact that our 10 Year high school reunion will be coming up next summer and I can't figure out what's scarier~ the fact that it has been 10 years since we were freed from the hell that was high school, or the idea of voluntarily going BACK to relive any remote element of the hell that was high school?

Some people hear "High School Reunion" and think "Yippee! I can't wait to see all those people!" (~skippy, bouncy, cheerleader clapping-type reaction~).

...and other people hear "High School Reunion" and think "Jesus, I know where I WON'T be" (~gagging sound~).

Nothing personal against anyone in particular, or even my old "prison" at that, I just really believe that, despite how much the anti-social can evolve and grow and learn to adjust into a more social mindset, some people are just hard wired to feel completely turned off by back tracking down that particular avenue of memory lane.

I spent the mass majority of my high school career plotting, attempting and succeeding in escaping it as much as possible...running away from what I believed to be one gigantic ant farm of teen movie cliche...and even after SO long, the girl I used to be still exists inside of me somewhere.

Some people thrive on seeing and being seen, and some people can take the same situation and want to dart the other way. I don't mind running into people I knew a long time ago if it should happen on its own, but an organized event like that....~shuddering~

I've never been good at chit chat or small talk~ I find all of that catch up bologna to be a waste of breath and completely dry, uninteresting and FORCED. I always find myself wanting to be completely honest...about EVERYTHING and I have learned that most people can't appreciate my, er, perspective.

Those who can appreciate it~ and who I liked, regardless of whether or not they appreciated it~ I still communicate with, talk to and am still friends with.

Unless there is a lot of alcohol involved, I can't imagine what that many people after so many years could possibly have to talk about other than playing the "This is what's happened to me" ping pong game, where everyone is just waiting for the person they are chatting with to shut up so that they can talk about themselves some more.

Career flexing, baby picture flashing, "That One Time at Band Camp" rehashing...no thank you!

In a drinking environment scenario, I just see the entire situation becoming one big alcohol induced Fakefest, with the sincere and non-ego wagging people coming too few and far between to sell me on it.

I suppose this is a reflection of how I see most of the people I went to school with, but then again, I was never there long enough or allowed myself to get to know most of them well enough to know them at all in the first place...which is even more reason to avoid them all anyways.

If things work out the way I am hoping, my happy ass will be on a plane to Vegas as the Norman North Reunion festivities begin.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007


As silly as this may sound, I faced one of my big phobias today= FLU SHOT.

I finally got my very first flu shot, something I try to talk myself into doing every year, but never build up the courage to go through with...and so, every year, I get sick as hell and want to die for about two weeks. I figured this year though, since it was being offered in the Administration building where I work, it would be a waste to avoid it since it was just downstairs.

It didn't hurt, but I still feel irked by it. The thought of having what I consider to be "alien" substances injected into my body freaks me the fuck out....

It's not out of fear of the pain of a shot (although I HATE needles), it's more the idea that I have foreign shit flowing through my veins and throughout my body that freaks me out...

Reading the consent form didn't help, ("You shouldn't get the flu shot if you have allergic reactions to the flu shot..." I've never had one! How do I know if I am allergic????!!!).

I spent the first hour afterwards terrified that at any moment I was going to go into cardiac arrest or break out in hives or have a panic attack...but I am OK....I think. I'm trying not to think about what was in the syringe that nurse poked me with. If I think about it too much I might just vomit right here at my desk. :(

My best friend assured me that I have voluntarily welcomed things into my system over the years that make the flu shot look like a kiss from the Sugar Plum fairy so I shouldn't really be worried about too much.

Good point.

My other big phobia, ELEVATORS (shudder), is starting to subside...after so many trips to Vegas and taking the dreaded box hanging by a cord up so many floors to rooms/clubs- I am getting better with that. It helps that I am usually too inebriated to notice that I am even in an elevator in Vegas, but still...my idea of eternal damnation is being trapped inside of an elevator getting poked with needles while a Starbucks Christmas compilation c.d. plays on repeat...

Friday, November 2, 2007


I'm braving an OU game with Taylor tomorrow evening~ like a fish out of water (or more like a cat being thrown INTO a pool of water...) I am prepared to endure a few hours immersed in the Sooner spirit down in Norman...my long lost hometown.

I agreed to go the other day, after teasing him about football wound up hurting his feelings a bit I think. He told me how much it means to him to for me to spend QT with him and appreciate his love for Sooner football....his other OTHER girlfriend next to poker (I still can't decide which one he loves more, but either way I must compete with those "other ladies" for his attention sometimes and it occasionally drives me batty).

Afterall, he is a 4th generation alumni~ and it's a big family tradition thing for him so I've been working on being a better sport about it all....
I ask questions and let him explain things to me, I congratulate him on good games when they win and slap him on the ass ("Whoo! Have fun babe!") as he's headed out the door to tailgate and enjoy an afternoon of beer and ball (when he's not watching it on tv!).

I am beginning to realize that Sooner winnings are vital to how my Saturdays will turn out in the end, because when they lose I have to deal with a cranky husband. It's always been like this, but now that we are married I figure I should try to be more supportive.

My personal issues with Sooner football stem mostly from growing up in Norman and having it shoved down my throat my whole life (especially after they won that championship in 2000...before that they couldn't fill the bleachers, and suddenly fans started coming out of the woodworks once they won that title....GRRRR. Band Wagoners bug the hell out of me!).

I don't have to be a fan or a band wagoner, but I also shouldn't punish him for my Sooner annoyance. So I'll suck it up and enjoy his company as he enjoys the game. I told him that I'm not wearing any Sooner apparel though. The last time I attempted to at least wear some sort of reddish/maroonish shirt at a game a few years ago he teased me by saying that I stuck out and, although my effort was "cute," it was obvious that I was not a fan.

I am considering making him take me to an opera or ballet....even though I really don't care for the opera or ballet~ but it would be interesting to see his reaction if I suggested it. I think he married me because he knows I will never make him go to a ballet or opera.

The media and popular culture likes to make everyone believe that all wives are constantly trying to get their husbands to take them to the opera or ballet.

I personally would prefer to have Taylor take me to see Black Sabbath/Ozzy next month (ROCK!) instead (which for Taylor is almost the equivalent to the opera or ballet), but unfortunately a conflict of scheduling will not allow it anyways (damn).

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


October really has been a great month for me~ maybe it's because I'm a hot natured person and the cooling temperatures help keep my blood from boiling so quickly (and so intensely!). Maybe I'm moving slower now and I'm not as quick to react- maybe, maybe.

Not sure, but for whatever reason, I find myself serene and at peace and happy...the happiest I've ever been in my whole life really and it's a billion times better than any drug I've ever played with:)

What a relief to reach a point in life where I can live in a constant state of the natural high I feel like I've been seeking for so many so many years- and it trumps the desire to seek other outlets. Other outlets these days just seem to distract me from what's really going on, and I no longer wish to escape anything...because reality is so much better.

I've come to terms with some issues I have been struggling with recently- the adjusting, the revelations, the complications, the doubt, the feelings of exclusion, the fear, the anxiety, the hurdles the hoops and the bullshit...

Accepting my reality instead of trying to cling to a past life which no longer exists is so liberating...letting go is hard, but in the big picture it's necessary in order to evolve and grow.

The things that matter in my life have switched gears- the everlasting and tried and true don't necessarily have to be discarded, I have learned, but priorities shift and change shapes and things that used to irk me have ceased to waste my time anymore. It's nice.

Priorities and options~ there's a quote that coincides with those two things and it really goes without saying that the two dance awkwardly with one another and fight for first place, but in the end it all becomes clear when the tables are turned...and true colors which remain evident become faded and less significant and I no longer give a shit.
Even the strongest rocks and boulders can crumble, but it isn't the end of them- they become part of the Earth and are reborn into the very soil that breeds new life...and trees people have leaned on for years can wither away and lose their bark, but it all is just recycled into something newer and better and stronger in the long run.

Monday, October 29, 2007


Last week I happened to stumble upon an "Adopt-a-Bat" program and decided that it was a great opportunity to donate to a good cause. I have been an avid Batman fan my whole life, and I like animals, so why not? It's a bit of a break from my Pet Smart donations...bats need love too after all.

What kind of animal lover would I be if I discriminated against the less-cute animals of the world?

A couple of months ago I had my first encounter with a bat, and I was pleasantly surprised with how cute it was. I was at my friend Josh's house and we were outside sitting under his porch table having a nice conversation and enjoying the weather.

The sun was blaring down, and as Josh unrolled the table's umbrella he suddenly said, "My bat is back!"

"Guano" as he calls him, had been posting up in the folded umbrella during the day and sleeping, then patrolling the backyard at night for bugs. Apparently Guano hadn't been around in a couple of days and had decided to make an appearance that day.

I had never seen a bat up close before so I took a peek.

The little bat looked like a mouse with wings. He opened his eyes and blinked at me as if to say, "Hey! Turn that light off! I'm trying to sleep here! Dang!"

So cute. We rolled the umbrella back up and let him go back to sleep, but I was captivated by the little guy. It's always so cool to run across an animal you never really thought twice about and suddenly have a new appreciation for. So when I saw the bat adoption program I thought of little Guano and was pretty excited.

I told my husband Taylor about my Adopt-a-Bat venture while we were out in Bricktown Friday night having drinks with friends- waiting until we were both a little lit, in a moment that he might find my the bat situation endearing and humorous....

"By the way babe," I say, as a group of us headed towards the next watering hole destination, laughing and joking around and enjoying the good vibes.

"I adopted a bat species to help conserve in northwestern Oklahoma! Isn't that neat?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "What? Why?"

"I donated some money to a bat conservation laboratory so that they won't go extinct- you know? Like Guano? I told you about Guano~ bats are so cute!"

Since he was a little tipsy, he just heaved a big sigh and went with it.
"How much was it? Did you get a receipt?"

Always get a receipt, he says. So we can write it off our taxes or something. I donated a bunch of crap from our garage to an international student group's garage sale to raise funds for a trip with Habitat for Humanity a few weeks ago. I didn't think to get a receipt and got a brief lecture on the importance of tax write offs....YAWN.

"$25," I answer, but reassured him that I adopted the bat in his name and we will put the glossy 4x6 picture of the species I chose on the wall in study.

This didn't seem to make him feel anymore enthusiastic about the bat adoption, but I am banking on how funny it will be once Christmas rolls around, after he has forgotten about the Bat adoption, and he unwraps a nice framed picture of a Townsend's Big-Eared Bat, adopted in his name.:)

The "Adopt-a-Bat" program supports the conservation of bats in their habitats in western Oklahoma, through the University of Central Oklahoma's Selman Living Laboratory- the university's biological field station located near Freedom, Oklahoma in the northwestern part of the state.

I didn't even know we have a bat conservation laboratory here. I love discovering things like this in our state!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Looming Holidays and ReThinking Tradition

So I was thinking today that, being the end of October, the Christmas spirit is going to quickly begin being shoved down our throats. Now that my second Christmas season of not working in the mall is looming in the near future, I feel like I've had enough time to recollect my thoughts and reevaluate the way I look at the holiday season.

After sacrificing all the joy I once got out of Christmas as a child by slaving away in Christmas Central HELL EVERY YEAR from the age of 16 to 25, I got to be very disgusted and cynical about the whole ordeal.

For years I witnessed first hand the kind of greed and materialism and thoughtless obligation that Christmas has become for so many in our society....people shopping for gifts during Christmas can be some of the rudest, most impatient, put out, irritable people on the planet. Of course their intentions are good, but I think people get so distracted by the BUYING part that the warm and fuzzy underlying Disney theme of it all gets pretty much overshadowed.

Shelling out tons of money, racking up credit card debt out the ass, dealing with crowds and screaming children and overcrowded parking lots and long lines...I've been so turned off by the whole thing~ traumatized if you will~ that for the past few years I've just made my gifts and avoided the whole thing outside of my comfort bubble.

I got to thinking for awhile that my gifts weren't good enough for my loved ones~ painted wooden boxes and picture frames and random stuff like that...but the more I think about it, the more I feel like I have been programmed somehow to feel like I am not showing the love my family deserves by not buying them expensive gifts....programmed by the television and really good marketers and advertisers.

The older I get, the less material things I desire. Taylor and have always talked about how when we have kids we are going to make sure that they aren't just stuffed silly with gifts without really ever really having to understand what it's all about or really experience truly giving back to people who need things and who don't have the same privilege of getting material pleasures.

I believe that when the time comes, we will have more than enough family members spoiling our kids and we, as parents, want to leave that area to them and concentrate on building our own traditions and values and instilling the importance of giving and kindness and sharing.

We plan to de-emphasize the concept of GETTING and focus mostly on Christmas time as a season of GIVING.

Then we had to decide, to us personally, what IS it really all about? Taylor was raised in a Christian household with all the Jesus/Church bells and whistles~ so it's very much religious for that side of the family.

My family didn't get so much into the religious aspect, but rather our holiday tradition has always been focused on the family gathering (as is with all families I am sure, but since we never really got into the religious part Christmas time to me always meant celebrating love for my family and friends, not really so much Jesus).

And both of us are fortunate to have been raised having been given so much at Christmas time~ we made Christmas lists and always got our share of presents...probably more than a lot of kids did. We have been very lucky.

So where does that leave us? I would like to think that I can take my years of Christmas "elfing" in the mall and turn my experience into something positive somehow...Maybe since I've really witnessed the ugly reality of what the season has turned into (buy buy buy consume consume consume...shower your children with so many gifts that they pass out under the tree, comatose from the GETTING...me me me me....) I can try to recycle my negative energy into something positive that can contribute to a greater good.

I remember reading as a kid reading in a novel, probably LITTLE WOMEN or something, where the character got a PEAR, a penny and a hand made lace handkerchief in her Christmas stocking. I remember thinking, "That's IT?"

And the character was so happy about it. I couldn't grasp at the time any symbolic relevance to that kind of gift then, but I remember that now and how I felt and it's like a light bulb has gone off.

We plan to, every year, rather than buy gifts for one another (with the exception of maybe one or two small things) have the kids pick out gifts for underprivileged children and/or do something to help a family in need.

Lately, I have been thinking about changing up Christmas traditions some more, and I feel like I don't have to wait until we have kids to start that tradition. This is something that my friends/family and I could start doing NOW, that way the tradition has already begun before kids are even in the picture.

We all have so much really~ I have so much that I find myself shoving shit into the garage and taking carloads of stuff to Goodwill. I personally don't want any more STUFF. I get enough stuff for myself throughout the year.

Morning Drive Time

Morning talk radio 'round these parts SUCK. Especially what the BUZZ has to offer. That guy CRISCO or whatever the hell his name is makes me feel like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed just hearing his voice for two seconds while flipping through the stations.

Jack and Ron are still ok~ been tuning in to them from time to time for years~ but even then, I think they are kind of losing it. I've tried the other stations, even KRXO which is really the only radio station whose music I care to listen to here in OKC, but I still usually find myself a bit disappointed. They all really sound the same-nothing distinguishable or unique about any of them. Nothing that sets them apart from one another.

If I didn't see the number on the dial, I couldn't tell the difference.

Most of the radio personalities I hear in the morning on the radio sound, to me, like a bunch of jerk offs making douche bag jokes and laughing at themselves....and they're not funny. The funny moments they DO have are brief, rare and usually just the easy kind of humor that seems to happen by accident (like they got lucky and a momentarily witty moment).

Who really wants to start their daily drive to work by listening to fart and balls humor?

I hear a lot of recap of previous night's reality shows...apparently there's no escaping the utter pencil in the neck torture of reality television...even in the car. I don't want to hear sound bites from last night's "Bachelor" or "Dancing with the Stars." More music would be nice, but it's kind of like how MTV has gotten (where exactly did the music go????).

I used to listen to Rick and Brad on the KATT, but even this morning they were the ones recapping the fucking "Bachelor." How in the hell is this possible? The KATT is a ROCK and ROLL station...and there is nothing ROCK and ROLL about dizzy chicks "omigawd'ing" on the "Bachelor." How can a station spin some of the greatest rock bands (meaning bands like Zeppelin, not LINKIN' PARK) and then air sound bites from the "Bachelor"?

You know, after going through college and studying the media, I learned a lot. I learned that there is so much potential to utilize valuable air time to get something of substance out there for people to hear. We have enough problems with the television- all the bullshit, brainless reality shows, SEX in your face on every station, and corporate news channels giving you the scoop on THEIR BIASED OPINIONS and USELESS FILLER information 24/7.

Air waves are being wasted and important things are being overlooked and untouched.

I believe that there are so many talented young people graduating college with degrees to get into the media- people who have something to offer...people with ideas and potential to make great changes in the manner in which we get our information...but I feel sorry for radio/broadcast people for the most part, because it seems like so many of the big jobs in those outlets are run /controlled by people who only want to air SHIT.

Entertainment is great~ but I wish that I heard more entertainment media that was intelligently scripted, or articulated in a way that gives us all a little credit for having a brain.

I've been listening to a lot of NPR~ and granted, they too have their biased tendencies in the "wing" they exist in, but hell. At least what I hear is legitimate information. Things of actual significance going on, information relayed in a way that takes it SERIOUSLY for cripes sake without the giggling and mindless blabbering of radio personalities.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Bye Bye Tinker~ She's all MINE now!

I've been organizing the pictures I took from mom's retirement ceremony at Tinker and I have to admit that I get a little teary eyed looking at them.
Her ceremony was very emotional~ Colonel Gentling and her Commander had so many wonderful things to say, and it was obvious that she highly respected and is going to be missed by her unit family...I had no idea what she has been doing exactly at work for the past 20+ years (since I've been around), not to mention the years prior to being married with children. I only knew she was the boss lady...she never really talked about what she did at work when she got home~ she always seemed to want to leave work at work and switch into mom mode once she walked in the door.

Many of the speakers had little jokes about her obsession with details...and I realized that she is still "mom" at work and "boss lady" at home.
Now I know that she was still the mom I have always known while she was at work as well, just to her "other" family.

It warms my heart to know that she has mentored so many Airmen/women and has done so much for her unit...and our country. She got so many medals and awards at the ceremony, we were all very impressed.

My dad, who was also in the Air Force when he and mom met, received special recognition for his support over the years~ and it's interesting to me, because I imagine at these military retirement ceremonies that it's usually the military wives who get recognized for standing by their military husbands over the years...which just goes to show even more so how my unconventional-yet-conventional-by-traditional standards family marches to the beat of its own drum.

In addition to his own job, I grew up watching my dad make sure mom's boots were shined and her uniforms ironed for drill weekends~ I am happy that he was recognized for all the support he has given her over the years.

All in all, the ceremony was amazing. She got the send off she deserves!

Here is mom swearing into the Air Force in 1972 at 19 years old. This picture was in the program for her ceremony (which I saved about 5 of them for keepsake purposes). I had to do a double take because at first I thought it was me...everyone there kept telling me how much I look like her twin in that picture, and that makes me happy. How flattering!
I told her to show me her stripes when we were leaving base~ she's so damn cute!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


I read today that there is a lawsuit that has been filed opposing the Oklahoma anti-immigration law which will require authorities to check the immigration status of people who are arrested for felonies, and that some odd 25,000 people have left the Tulsa area out of fear of this.

Read about it HERE.

I don't understand why there should be a problem with authorities checking the legal status of people committing crimes in our state? Why should people who are here illegally be able to stay here illegally if they are committing felonies?

I recently followed a court case where an illegal immigrant was arrested TWICE for sexual assault on young girls, and walked away without punishment (not in Oklahoma, but just an example of serious crimes being committed). Video of the court hearing even showed that the judge acknowledged the fact that the man did not have a social security number and was in fact here illegally...but for some reason, he was let go. This baffles me.

I consider myself a semi-liberal~ in fact, the older I get, the more liberal my beliefs become (which from what I understand, it's usually the other way around). I am actually a frequenter of civil rights, human rights soap box climbing~ but you have to draw the line somewhere.

I don't condone the idea that people coming over here under the radar should be able to enjoy the benefits of this country if they aren't going to obey the law, and if they aren't obeying the law then they should be punished like everyone else or go home.

People act like they are entitled to things and it pisses me off.

Monday, October 15, 2007

The Girlie Show

Some of my friends from Norman drove up to the City Friday night and we checked out "The Girlie Show" over at the Farmer's Market.

I have mixed emotions about it~ probably because I spent $16 dollars to get in and still can not figure out why exactly the ticket was so expensive...not to say that I don't respect the female artists who had their booths set up~ I love me some art and I admire the gals who do it, but $16 dollars? Gimme a break.

As soon as we walked in I felt it~ that vibe a girl gets when she walks into a huge room full of women and the amount of estrogen wafting around is almost suffocating...in front of you awaits a sea of judgment and you can tell that all the females are sizing one another up, checking everyone's outfits, hair, make up , tattoos, shoes, EVERYTHING out...

I was a little disappointed. I'm not quite sure what I was expecting, but I noticed very similar themes running throughout the booths...the underlying theme seemed to almost all of the art/crafts was "retro, vintage, pin up, eclectic, edgy, alternative."

I love "retro, vintage, pin up, eclectic, edgy, alternative" creative goodness, but I was hoping for a wider variety of ideas. I think that the originality in all of it would have stood out more and been more prominent had there been a mixture of other themes included.

It was all also RIDICULOUSLY expensive. If I were an emerging artist trying to get my shit sold, I would be practically giving my stuff away to get my name/work out there. Some of the artists had this attitude like they were Picasso or something, or perhaps they mistook Oklahoma City for New York City by accident...and honestly, only one of the booths with paintings had art that was worthy of such high dollar prices.

I came across a painting I liked~ walked over to it to admire it~ then realized that I was looking at a $400 painting of swirls and lines.

I found some really funky jewelry that I liked~ got a necklace for mom's retirement gift and one for myself. The girl who designed them and sold them to me wasn't particularly friendly, but I liked her work. She had a weird look in her eye when I tried to make conversation.

I'm picky and I stood there forever contemplating my purchases. Maybe she thought I was going to steal something. Who knows.

The only "import" beer was Corona (bleaughghgh) and all of the food was gone by around 10:30 p.m. (which, I am guessing, might have contributed to the expensive ticket, and MIGHT have made the show more worthwhile had they had more food).

It also seemed as if most of the people who were there were there for the "scene" and not so much for the artists themselves. So many people standing around socializing, drinking and talking and hawk eye'ing every one milling around.

But maybe that is just my lack of understanding the art show niche~ perhaps that's what people do at those kinds of events. Like at football games~ people watch the games, but half the appeal is the socializing aspect.

I love the idea of having an all-girl's art show, especially here in Oklahoma where I feel that we are in desperate need of a wider variety of things to do~ and more exposure to diversity, but Friday night's GIRLIE SHOW was DEFINATELY not worth $16.

I wish that I could have gone the next day when tickets were only $5 and the bands were playing, but mom's ceremony was that afternoon and of course that took the cake in regards to importance!
The bands alone would have made the show worth $16! I LOVE live rock music!

Much more so than techno noise spinning off turn tables...actually. I don't care much for techno music anyways, whether it's on turn tables or anything else.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Why My Mother is SUPERMOM

I just wanted to take a moment to brag about my mom because I am SO proud of her!

Her retirement party is tonight and her ceremony on base is tomorrow afternoon~ and I can tell that she is feeling a little crazy with her butt busting career winding down to an end.

She is retiring as an E8 Senior Master Sgt. and administrator of the 507th Tech Medical Squad at Tinker Air Force Base this weekend after 36 years of service~ whew!

I am so incredibly proud of my mother and for all that she has accomplished- she has truly been my role model and inspiration. I admire her more than words can express and I only hope that I can be half the success she has been both as a professional and wife/mother. She is the
most respectable woman I have ever known and I love her so much I just want to cry!

She works harder than anyone I've ever known~ both as a professional woman and a mother.

Moving here in the 60's from Okinawa, she came to America as an 11-year old girl who barely spoke a word of English-in a time where being a minority woman in this country offered little opportunity to be more than just a housewife.

She joined the military right out of high school at 18 years old so that could see the world, working/living in amazing places across the globe from Japan to Germany before meeting my dad, getting married and having my brother and I (me in Germany, Chris on base in Arkansas).

That was 10 years as a professional woman before starting a family and settling down.

She was also the FIRST single woman to be stationed at Webb AF down in Texas~ that is HUGE!

My entire life, I have watched my mother work 50+ hours a week~ working 14 days straight without a day off once and sometimes TWICE a month for UTA weekends (unit training activities), and after all of these long days and hours, she would STILL come home from work and have a hot home cooked meal on the table for her family EVERY NIGHT. She is so tiny and sweet, but she is also an incredibly intelligent, tough little cookie.

As an administrator and boss lady, I know that she has had to deal with some lazy, pain in the ass employees over the years, and then she would come home and deal with me and my brother (who were, for a time as teenagers, also pains in the asses and lazy)...and when I think of this on top of everything I wonder how she hasn't lost her mind. In spite of the overwhelming amount of responsibility she manages each and every day, she's still the most stable person on the planet and that amazes me.

I can't count the nights my brother and I would have to pull her black combat boots off her feet as she lay passed out on the couch, still in her uniform, after a hard days work and cooking for us. So many nights of pleading with her to wake up just long enough to take her contacts out and go sleep in her bed because it was more comfortable (and I always believed that she stayed glued to the couch to sleep so that she was at least there with us in the living room while we were watching tv).

She takes care of my father and loves him so unconditionally~ I know that he would be lost without her. Every night since I was little kid I watched my mom spend extra time in the kitchen to make/pack my dad leftovers of dinner (or something new entirely)
to ensure that he had a good lunch to take to work the next day.

As the one in charge of the books at home, she also spends hours taking care of the family finances...burning the midnight oil at the kitchen table, wearing her glasses, surrounded by paperwork, bills and envelopes, hacking away at the calculator.

She is my hero. She is my family's rock and anchor. She has shown me that I can be anyone I want to be and do anything I want to pursue successfully. She's shown me the value of hard work and perseverance. She has shown me that a woman can have a career and be independent and strong and STILL be an attentive wife and mother.

My mom is the posterwoman for SUPERMOM: to ME, she embodies all that I respect in a woman...she is a self-made professional woman who has madea name for herself while simultaneously nurturing and caring for her family...and we just love her.

I am so excited for her to be retired and have time to BREATHE and RELAX and have free time...she deserves it more than I anyone I know.

She doesn't even know what she is going to do with all of her free time~ I don't think she has ever really had time to herself to have any free time. Knowing her, she will find plenty of things to keep her busy because the woman can not sit still unless she is passed out from exhaustion. It's just the way she works.

I am so excited to finally get her to myself and not have to share her with her career anymore. I feel as if I've spent the majority of my life missing her while she has been at work, and now she's finally FREE!

I am twenty seven years old, but the idea of having more time to spend with my always busy mother just thrills me and makes me feel like a little girl again...I want to jump up and down and do cartwheels across the lawn.

I can't wait to start spending more quality time with her.

I am so proud to say that my mother has served our fine country- being one of the well oiled gears in our amazing military that makes this country work and provides the freedoms and liberty we have today.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Bloody Glitter

Starting this new blog today after blogging on myspace for the past two years. Thought it was finally time to take my writing out into the "real world" and expose my guts to those other than my friends and anonymous myspace reader fanbase who have been chalking up the numbers on my "viewed" score board (who ARE those people???).

Taylor and I watched the movie BLOOD DIAMOND last night and it made us want to go return our wedding rings and join the Peace Corps.

It's sad that it takes a big Leonardo DiCaprio major motion picture to make reality sink in for some people~ like US in this situation. Granted, cinematic art is of course embellished for entertainment purposes, but only a fool can deny that the death and destruction in Africa is out of control...and the diamond aspect is all but unknown and untalked about here because someone, somewhere high up doesn't want us to know about it.

Although I have no idea where my diamonds in my engagement/wedding rings came from, I am horrified to think that they could be the products of the nightmare that goes on in Africa or anywhere else in the world. It horrifies me to think that anyone died in the process of getting these rings on my finger.
We women look at jewels and think "Yay! Pretty!" when really there is so much corruption and politics behind them...we are trained not to think about those things and instead are brainwashed into wanting them...

America wants to save the world one country at a time~ but one has to wonder why for so long the shit going down in Africa has continued and why we have yet to stick our noses in their business to the ends and extremes that we have done/are doing to other parts of the world (I guess because maybe we haven't found oil there...yet).

Someone in America must be profiting off of it somehow...PROFIT PROFIT PROFIT PROFIT. I wonder how many old cronies out there are profiting from this? Which politicians and big business white collars are banking from it? I'm sure that the money trail can be followed all the way up the ladder somewhere.

Kind of like how we've had the technology to send people to the fucking moon and send information collecting machinery out into space for decades but for some reason we can't find seem to find a cure for cancer and progress in the alternative energy/electric car department is moving at snail's a pace...not even a snail's pace...more like watching fungus grow on a rock.

This diamond thing- it really makes you wonder. Our country profits so heavily on convincing people that diamonds are forever, and diamonds are a girls best friend and a man needs to spend at least 3 months salary on his bride-to-be's engagement ring.

It's all a load of crap really. Diamonds didn't even get to be what they are in our culture until some marketing mastermind back in the 50's decorated Marylin Monroe in them and decided they are a girl's best friend.

Back when I got the "ring fever" I originally sought out vintage wedding rings, only to find that the old school rings did not house diamonds, but instead other precious stones like emeralds and rubies and sapphires. I remember being a little confused~ where were all the diamonds?

Now I know that I have been duped all of these years~ as all the other girls in the country have been and are being duped by marketing geniuses who are getting their pockets stuffed by our lack of information.

Watch diamond commercials. They are truly the most mind fucking kind of marketing out there. Not only have they worked on targeting people, they have brainwashed the entire country. And diamonds aren't even rare!
I'm not even the dreamy, romantic type, but man- if those Diamonds are Forever commercials (with the beautiful orchestra music and silhouettes of couples in LOOOOVVVEEEE) didn't make my heart drop down into my stomach and make me wonder if a man would ever love me enough to give me one of those beautiful stones.

Damn you marketing masterminds!

Now that I am older, I feel ignorant not having considered where my diamonds came from when I got them, but who actually thinks about that kind of stuff when a man gives you a ring and asks you to marry him?

What man thinks of that when he goes to purchase a diamond ring? No one does.
Because the realities of diamond sources are not on the news. The news is too busy obsessing over the newest missing Caucasian kid in a foreign land (even though kids of all color go missing every day in our own country), or feeding the attention needs of media whores like Britney Spears, or corporate "news" figures reporting their opinions instead of the facts...

I think that the world is so accustomed to the chaos in Africa that our "news" doesn't even consider it news unless one of our celebrities are over there checking out the damage and touring the camps like the people in them are the new zoo babies- holding up big checks and taking pictures with the kids before hopping back on private jets to go home to their mansions.
Death and destruction over there is going on and has been going and probably will always continue to go on...it's such the norm that we don't even really think about it. I am glad movies like Blood Diamond are being made because even though the movie is just a movie, it's based on reality~ and watching movies based on real things seems to be a better way of hitting home because we Americans loved to be entertained. We are all so numb to the constant 24/7 flow of "news" that it takes so much to move us and influence us and make us THINK.

It's difficult not to feel guilty when I want to look down and admire my jewels~ but I have to remind myself that I am not a bad person for wearing these rings. I didn't know any better. I am a product of where I live, no matter how much I try to keep myself aware and resist the mind control of the media (THANK YOU college education). I am just happy to be more aware of how diamonds contribute to the deaths of other people so that I can change what Taylor and I spend our money on now.

I can't go to Africa and save anyone, but I can control my own personal diamond consumption by stopping it now before wedding anniversaries start coming (just married in June). I won't be that wife who expects jewels every anniversary (I really don't want or wear JEWELS besides my rings anyways)~ I think it's a waste of money and completely overindulgent and unnecessary. I can no longer float around blissfully unaware, knowing that there is so much more behind the origins of so much glitter sleeping in jewelry cases at Tiffany's or Zales or Helzberg or Gordon's or wherever...

I'm sure that Taylor won't object to stopping diamond purchases in the future:)

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