Marital Bill of Rights
Oh, MSNBC. Sometimes I applaud you for your articles and sometimes I want to spank your bottom with a rice paddle for being so unoriginal and lazy (but I think you might like it too much).
I just read two separate "he said, she said" husband/wife "Bill of Rights" articles (links to them are at the bottom of this blog), and I must say, pretty disappointed. You got two writers to regurgitate the same old husband/wife stereotypes that have plagued American culture for far too long.
Shame on you. While it might appear at first to be clever and witty, those articles fail to do anything but pigeonhole the same old tired "PMS She-Devil naggy wife" and "lazy, slobby, piggish husband" song and dance that, in my opinion, are completely overgeneralizing and fail to give credit to married couples who don't fit into that niche. I feel sorry for the couples who do.
Even though some of the Amendments mentioned in the articles might be somewhat peppered with grains of truth here and there, I have to argue the following points to the following Amendments:
Husband's Bill of Rights:
AMENDMENT I:"We have the right to go out with our buddies at least once a month."
Let's be fair. All wives are not complete naggish shrews who keep their husbands on a short leash. Now, it shouldn't get ridiculous and out of control (A.K.A. husband spending too many nights a week gambling with buddies until 3, 4, 5 a.m.), but no husband or wife should have to ask permission to hang out with their friends nor should they have to put a limit on how often they can do it. Guy time, like girl time, is HEALTHY when utilized within reasonable means, but if your husband or wife is choosing to spend more time with friends than with you, you have a lot of other issues going on there that should probably be addressed. If the author of this article really has to take a stand and declare his freedom to do this and meekly request a meager once a month hang out session- as if he is LUCKY to see his buddies just one time in 30 days- he needs to find a new wife. Or maybe his wife needs to FIND A LIFE and some friends of her own.
AMENDMENT III: "We have the right to have a few things of ours in the house."
Again. The naggish shrew thing. Yes, husbands. It's your house too. Have some fucking balls and keep your important shit in your house if you want it there. If it's that important, fight for it...if your wife loves you, and you make that big of a stink about it, she will understand. If not, again. You need a new wife. I personally wouldn't mind having a framed ACDC poster in my living room, but that's me. A cow skull, not so much. But stuff like that, that doesn't get the "ok," need not be banished to a garage or basement. Try a neutral room, like the study. Wives can put all of the girlie shit that you won't "ok" in there with it to keep it company. DONE.
AMENDMENT V: "We have the right to teach our sons how to burp and fart."
Really? Is it really necessary to teach a human being how to fart and burp? Won't they just kind of naturally pick up on those bodily functions? Husbands and wives both fart and burp, and the thing that the kid needs to be taught is how to do both in a way that doesn't make him THAT kid at school- you know, the obnoxious stinky one. I can't imagine why any man would voluntarily and purposely make his son THAT guy, and I can't imagine any woman not understanding that a dad letting one fly occasionally to make his kids laugh IS FUNNY. This doesn't mean that a man needs to declare to the world, "I have the RIGHT to teach my son how to fart and burp," but more so, "Hey wife. It happens and it makes them laugh. Deal with it. You fart too and it's equally funny to all of us. Get over it."
AMENDMENT VIII:
"We have the right to watch the big game."
Yes. Yes you do. Some of us wives might not be huge sports fans, (~ahem~cough, cough~) but give us a little credit. If we have decided to marry you, most of us understand and accept the fact that we also married your love of sport, or music, or poker, or art or whatever the "other girl" is in your life. I call a man's passion outside of his woman the "other girl" in his life, since she is the bitch we must compete with for your attention from time to time. Just make sure that we remain number one. No self-respecting woman will play second fiddle to anything in her marriage, but she shouldn't expect her husband to give up the things that he loves just because he's married. Why would a wife want her man to discard the things about him that made her love him in the first place? I don't think that men are deep by nature and they sometimes need a reminder that they might be slipping in the attention department. Because they are busy watching the game. That doesn't mean that they don't care though.
AMENDMENT IX:"We have the right to the remote control when we are on the couch."
This one is funny. The man who wrote this obviously never had an older sister who had no problem going into full head to head combat over a remote control. No man has THE RIGHT to the remote control, and neither does any wife, or any PERSON for that matter. It's all about who wants it more and how much someone really really REALLY needs to watch something specific. Any man who declares his right to the remote the control is in desperate need of some discipline by his wife. I would imagine that most women are the ones who provide the evening meal. See how hubby likes it when he spends a few days fending for himself for dinner. He may have a kung fu grip on the remote, but an empty stomach does not a happy husband make.
Wife's Bill of Rights
AMENDMENT I: "We have the right to dislike your buddies."
Kind of. One or two particularly annoying husband buddies sometimes comes along with the territory and it's something we must accept. We don't have to like ALL of husband's friends, but let's not overgeneralize here. His friends are now your friends. Your friends are now his. Why live in a state of BITCH when they want to hang out with husband? Learn to share. Jesus. You like your husband, and SURPRISE! Other people do too! Would you rather be married to a loser with no friends that no one likes? What kind of uptight, stick up the ass, pretentious snotty wife does not want her husband's friends coming over to hang out and "drink beer and high five"? (seriously- did this writer really write that? SHE DID. See article. Fucking lame.). Perhaps the writer of this article is indeed an uptight, stick up the ass, pretentious snotty wife...or she is just a lazy writer and couldn't come up with something better. Regardless, wives don't want our husbands bitching and being an asshole when we bring our girlfriends around, so why would we do that to them? Buddy time makes husband happy, and happy husbands make wifey happy. The end.
AMENDMENT II: "We have the right to experience PMS in all of its glory."
?????? GLORY? I don't know what kind of period this chick has but there is nothing glorifying about menstruation. PERIOD (no pun in intended). What a cop out, to go the "period" route. Yes, women have periods. Yes, it's an on going cultural thing to make period jokes and make it an issue with men. Ha ha, tongue in cheek, typical bullshit.
Ha ha, tongue in cheek, typical bullshit. The entire world gets this already. I can't believe the writer wasted a perfectly good Amendment on an easy out like this. The PMS "experience" is something that goes completely unspoken and needs no declaration of freedom tagged onto it. It's nature. No woman should have to declare her right to experience it nor ever have to explain herself to anyone while she is experiencing it. I can't believe I have even wasted this much time discussing it. If a woman's husband ever has too big of a problem with any complaint or craving or mood swing or lack of motivation to anything but lay down, after committing himself to her, her period, and everything else that comes along with Aunt Flo (gross- I hate that term!) then that woman needs to school her husband on just how ugly period time can be if he can't shut his yap about it.
AMENDMENT VII: "We have the right to keep and bear tons of girlie bath products."
Newsflash, this just in- Not all women keep tons of girlie bath products in the bathroom. And not all wives piss away money on $15 bars of soap either (people DO this?). It may happen that girlie bath products accumulate, but I don't think we have a RIGHT to clutter the house full of shit we don't need. If a woman does have tons of stuff like that floating around the house serving no purpose in life, I wouldn't blame a man for getting annoyed with it. I would get annoyed with myself for having all of that crap. I DO get annoyed when too much of anything gets piled up serving no purpose in my house. My parents are pack rats, my mother in particular. My husband does it too and it drives me nuts. I don't want him collecting and keeping and bearing tons of junk in our house so I try not to do it either- this is when we get rid of things. Let it go...just let it go....
AMENDMENT IX: "We have the right to flirt."
Um, no we don't. Flirting is something that we leave at the alter, along with anything else that might voluntarily make another man believe for two seconds that they have a shot in hell of getting into our panties. Getting a "smokin' deal" on a purchase or not, not all of us prostitute our feminine qualities in order to get things in life. For the same reason we don't want our husbands flirting and giving a hot waitress the wrong idea for a free beer or bucket of wings or whatever, we do not have the right to flirt with strange men- strange men meaning ANYONE WHO IS NOT YOUR HUSBAND.
Those are just my opinions.
~Cheers!~
Wife's Bill of Rights.
Husband's Bill of Rights.
